A Perverted Day
by MrsRuebeusHagridDursley
Summary: Team Seven has a very strange and perverted day...SasuNaru yaoi/slash warning.


All of my fanfiction seem to be based on real life occurrences, don't they? Ah, well. This is based on the conversation between me and my friends at lunch the other day. This one goes out to you guys! Especially my Naruto. XD How I love you all.

Yaoi/Slash warning!

Quick note on the Japanese that I think slipped in there.  
**Dobe**: Dead last/loser.  
If there's anything else, please tell me in a review!

* * *

"Naruto!" Haruno Sakura gasped as she saw one her best friends walk towards her with a large bruise dominating his face.

"Hey, Sakura-chan!" Uzumaki Naruto exclaimed, his face lighting up as he walked towards Sakura.

"Naruto," Sakura breathed in horror, "what happened to your face?"

"Oh," Naruto's face fell, "you mean this?" He pointed to his overwhelming bruise.

_Well, duh,_ Sakura thought. "Yes that, Naruto! What happened?"

"Nothing," Naruto said, waving his hand dismissively.

"That can't be nothing, Naruto! There is a giant bruise on your face!"

"No there's not," said Naruto innocently.

"What?" Sakura asked, momentarily derailed by her teammates' utter stupidity. "Of course there is, Naruto! It's huge! You even admitted that it was there yourself!"

"Did I?" asked Naruto, a vacant look spreading on his face.

"_**Naruto!**_" Sakura yelled in her waning patience.

Fear flickered across Naruto's face. "Yes?"

"Tell me about that bruise _now_ or I'll give you another one in a much less noticeable or comfortable place!"

"I'm already bruised there too," Naruto muttered under his breath.

"What was that, _Na-ru-to_?"

"N-nothing, Sakura-chan. I'm…I'm a ninja you know! These things happen!" Naruto held his hands up in front of his face as in surrender.

Sakura's face showed that she was displeased with the lie. "Was it Sasuke?"

"EH?!" Naruto started to panic. Sakura looked pleased, something that was quickly replaced by anger.

"Is he hurting you again?" Sakura demanded, her voice's volume growing.

"Well, it was mostly my fault!" Naruto said quickly, trying to explain to Sakura. He could let her do anything to Sasuke! "I punched him first!"

"Why?" growled Sakura, still angry with Sasuke. Naruto knew from experience that nothing could stop her when he was in this state. But perhaps maybe a good shock…

"I could help it!" he flailed. "The extreme pleasure of his cock made me punch him in the face!"

Sakura froze. She was stood completely still for so long Naruto began to get concerned about whether or not she was still breathing.

"Er…" Naruto waved a hand in front of Sakura's face. "Are you okay?"

Sakura simply stared at him, eyes wide. Then she turned on her heel and walked away.

"Sakura?" Naruto called. She didn't turn back. _Well,_ he smirked to himself, _at least she's not mad at Sasuke any more._

"Dobe, what are you smirking about?" Uchiha Sasuke asked, giving Naruto a light punch on the back of his head.

"I think I just scarred Sakura-chan for life!"

Sasuke just stared at him questioningly.

A little smile flitted across Naruto's face. "She was asking about my bruise and I explained that I was the one who'd thrown the first punch."

Unconsciously, Sasuke traced the outline of a violent bruise on his jaw line. His pale skin showed bruises too easily.

"And then she asked why," Naruto continued, "and I said that the extreme pleasure of you cock made me punch you in the face!"

Said punched face twitched. "Must you talk to other people about my cock, Naruto?"

Naruto shrugged. "She was really mad at you for hurting me so I thought if I stunned her she'd forget about being mad at you!"

Sasuke sighed. Naruto was much too naïve sometimes.

"C'mon, we have to meet Kakashi. Though why we bother to be on time I'll never understand," Sasuke said, banking that Naruto had completely forgotten.

"Oh! I totally forgot! That's where Sakura went after she left me!" Naruto realized, running to catch up with Sasuke.

Sasuke shook his head. If any one of them should be out of practice with going on missions like this it should be him. The fact was though, he was grateful for the missions. Team Seven had been allowed to reform after his return to Konoha, and Sasuke knew that the Hokage was trusting Kakashi (and to a less physical extent Sakura and Naruto) to keep him in check.

Unsurprisingly, Kakashi was not there when Sasuke and Naruto arrived at their meeting point, a small field with tall columns to practice balance on. Sakura was though, and once she caught sight of the two boys she blushed a deep red and turned away.

Naruto groaned loudly and plopped down on the ground at Sasuke's feet. "Why is Kakashi never here?"

"Er, Naruto he's never been on time. Ever since we were genin." It was a normal Sasuke statement, but his tone of voice was off.

Sakura caught the tone change and turned around. And blushed again. Naruto was on the ground, and, with the way he was leaning to talk to Sasuke, his face was exactly level with Sasuke's crotch. And remembering what Naruto had said earlier to her…she hurriedly looked away. And blushed even deeper.

* * *

"Eh?" asked Naruto peering around Sasuke's legs. "What's wrong with Sakura-chan?"

Sasuke thought he had a pretty good idea what was wrong with Sakura. It was probably the exact same thing that was wrong with him. That thing being the current location of Naruto's face in relation to his crotch. "Uh, Naruto-" but Sasuke was cut off when Naruto stuck his head between his legs to better yell at Sakura, who stood behind Sasuke.

"Sakura-chan! Come over here with us!"

Sakura looked over in their direction, and, if her face was any indication, something died inside her when she saw the current position.

"Naruto," Sasuke tried again, but Naruto ignored him.

"C'mon, Sakura!"

Sakura got up as if in a daze and trance-like walked over to the two. She stopped a few feet behind Sasuke, who had to turn his head back to see her. He would have preferred to move his whole body, but with Naruto's head currently where it was, he was afraid to move.

"Sit down!" Naruto said, smiling. "Don't be a square like Sasuke!" Naruto seemed completely unaware of what a strange position he was in.

Sakura obeyed, still looking dazed.

"Scoot closer," Naruto whined stretching his hand out towards Sakura.

However, it seemed as though Naruto's streak of naivety was still going strong, as he had reached out and placed his hand between Sakura's legs.

"Naruto," she began, trying to express how uncomfortable this was. "Move your hand."

"Why?" asked Naruto tilting his head to the side, still between Sasuke's legs.

Sasuke shivered. This was getting ridiculous. He was going to loose control. "Stand up, Naruto," he growled.

Naruto thankfully pulled his head out from between Sasuke's legs to look him in the face. "Why, don't you like me there?" he asked, giving Sasuke a wink.

"Just get _up_, Naruto."

Naruto clambered to his feet, grumbling about "boring bastards".

Sasuke heard Sakura exhale in a relieved way as she stood up too. Sasuke, however, was far from relieved. Naruto's antics had pushed him to the edge of his self-control already, and a day for training with him would not help at all. He began to try and calm himself down, taking slow, deep breaths and closing his eyes to the outside world while leaning against a near by tree.

"I'm bored," declared Naruto after only a few minutes of silence.

Sasuke's eyes opened again and his breathing started to climb towards normal speed again. Naruto was just so…_distracting_.

"Then occupy yourself, dobe," Sasuke snapped. He normally didn't snap at Naruto but right now he was just too…_distracted_.

Naruto made an angry pout towards Sasuke. Sasuke simply shut his eyes and tried to relax again. He'd make it up to Naruto later.

"How am I supposed to occupy myself here?" Naruto demanded of the stoic Sasuke.

Sasuke did not respond.

"The only thing here is this column!"

Still no response.

Naruto placed a hand on the large blue column thoughtfully. "Well, I suppose I could dance…"

No response. And then Naruto's words began to sink in._ Did he say, "_dance_"? _Sasuke thought, his mind slowly realizing the implications of that statement. _No, he's being naïve today. He doesn't mean it that way._ Sasuke attempted to relax again.

Naruto frowned at his two friends. Sakura had not been responding either, she was perched in a branch of a nearby tree.

"It'd be sort of like pole dancing I guess…but with this column…"

And then he got his desired reaction. Sakura fell off her branch with a startled "Ow!" as she hit the ground. Sasuke's eyes snapped open and his head turned in Naruto's direction, his eyes wide.

Naruto giggled. This _was_ fun!

Sasuke and Sakura's eyes wide upon him, he then started to make thrusting movements to one corner of the pole.

At this new action, Sakura let out a little squeak, blushed red enough to make Hinata proud, and quickly looked in the other direction, deep into the forest outlining the field. And, Sasuke simply stood up and walked away. Arms crossed across his chest he actually walked away and into the forest.

Naruto stopped his thrusting and looked into the forest after Sasuke. He watched until Sasuke was completely out of sight.

There was then silence. And then there were soft sounds of a scuffle that was taking place far away from the small field. The sounds gradually got louder, and then Naruto and Sakura heard a very loud yell, and Sasuke came stomping out of the forest, arms still crossed, followed closely by an amused looking Kakashi.

"Now, now, Sasuke," he was chiding, "you know you're not supposed to go off on your own."

Sasuke simply turned and glared at Kakashi, Sharingan beginning to swirl.

"Tsk, tsk, Sasuke, that's not going to help you any!" Kakashi wagged his finger in Sasuke's face as if he was a small child. Sasuke's glare became scarier, and, eyes still spinning red, he walked briskly over to Naruto, grabbing him roughly by the arm and proceeded to drag him away.

"Sasuke, wha-"

"Now I'm not alone!" Sasuke shouted back towards the field.

Kakashi chuckled.

Sakura glanced at her teacher, who seemed to be paying her no mind, and decided to head home. It had been a very weird day; perhaps she could take a nap and forget it all.

* * *

"Sasuke, what are you doing?" Naruto asked, as Sasuke roughly pushed him onto their bed.

Sasuke's Sharingan was still swirling round and round and round, and Naruto felt a little frightened.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked, making his voice quiet and small.

This seemed to soften Sasuke enough to dispel the Sharingan. But he still had a glare that could make anyone want to curl up and die.

"Do you not love me anymore?" Naruto asked dropping his voice even more, a hint of tears starting to enter it.

Sasuke knew Naruto well enough to tell that he was faking. But his face relaxed anyway. Naruto grinned.

"Of course, I still love you, Naruto," Sasuke said, a rare smile entering his voice. "In fact, I love you so much that I will stuff my fist up your butt and punch your insides!" And he started to attempt to do just that.

There was an impromptu wrestling match that resulted in Sasuke successfully removing all of Naruto's clothing. "Now, time to punch your insides and make you _scream_, Naruto," Sasuke said, an evil glint in his eye as he flipped Naruto over.

They really did love each other.


End file.
